dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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