So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
