I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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