did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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