Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
