I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
