So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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