i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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