well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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