Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I have feelings that need drinking.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
