A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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