haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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