Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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