I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
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