apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
