Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
