Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
