We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
