I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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