Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
