The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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