My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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