just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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