Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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