remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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