It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
