i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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