I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
