I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
