I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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