I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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