Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
