Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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