It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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