Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
