I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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