her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
