I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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