he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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