i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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