Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
