he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
