If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
