So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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