If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize