how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
