Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
