I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
