So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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