Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
