Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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