I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
