i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
