I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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