when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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