The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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