What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
