I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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