Where did you get a picture of my penis
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
