I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
