best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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