it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
