I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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