maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
