i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
