You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
