tell your sister to shave her snatch
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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