I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
