I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Randomize
