i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize