Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
