There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
the condom got lost in my hair
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize