ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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