I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
We need to rekindle our bromance
is wine microwaveable?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
